Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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