I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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