Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably