How drunk are you??
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost