Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.

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  (301): That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk. http://tfl.nu/t1w6
  Replies (2) Good night (1036) Bad night (406)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.

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  (508): If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you. http://tfl.nu/1yt8
  Replies (9) Good night (728) Bad night (1826)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

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  (703): we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret' http://tfl.nu/447f
  Replies (55) Good night (1397) Bad night (16974)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

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  (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb
  Replies (80) Good night (31420) Bad night (1146)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower

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  (269): im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower http://tfl.nu/s38n
  Replies (15) Good night (3088) Bad night (744)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.

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  (832): I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes. http://tfl.nu/wfe6
  Replies (34) Good night (748) Bad night (4332)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

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  (931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex. http://tfl.nu/p49h
  Replies (46) Good night (14345) Bad night (2074)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.

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  (443): The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of. http://tfl.nu/c44a
  Replies (20) Good night (4355) Bad night (983)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.

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  (608): May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in. http://tfl.nu/2att
  Replies (6) Good night (3672) Bad night (979)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.

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  (570): Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful. http://tfl.nu/oenz
  Replies (6) Good night (1741) Bad night (981)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.

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  (814): I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer. http://tfl.nu/ef74
  Replies (3) Good night (1475) Bad night (809)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink

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  (678): I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink http://tfl.nu/zdy9
  Replies (11) Good night (939) Bad night (978)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Aren't they always?

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  (610): My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit" (1-610): Aren't they always? http://tfl.nu/6oqg
  Replies (1) Good night (1606) Bad night (722)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...

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  (503): So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address... http://tfl.nu/a3xh
  Replies (7) Good night (1760) Bad night (450)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.

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  (501): Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay. http://tfl.nu/a936
  Replies (1) Good night (297) Bad night (416)

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