The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.