And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize