It's a beautiful day for a hangover
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
