how do flat chested girls get laid?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
