I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
