the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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