After last night, I could never be a politician.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
