Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
