I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
