My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
