So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
