I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
