I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
