i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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