I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
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He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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