I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
