I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
