So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
