yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
