Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
