Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
