there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
