It's just like the Real World with babies
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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