our cab driver is having phone sex.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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