If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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