That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
