My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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