so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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