Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
