I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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