I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
