omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
