Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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