Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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