I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
