He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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