you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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