This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
