Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize