I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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