I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
