I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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