omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
