drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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