Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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