One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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