My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
