No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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