I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
