I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
