yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
