12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
