its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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