You work out of a Hotel?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
