I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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