Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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