She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
