Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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