Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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