Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
