Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
