Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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