ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
