i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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