I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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