i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
